Panic Attack

 

Sometimes I get hit by the past, hard. The thing is… it won't last long, it comes and goes… just like the blink of an eye. But that one second, brings all the details that I've had at that particular moment…

The embarrassment, the feeling of being worthless, the feeling of wanting to kill myself….

It's like they all come together at once…, like a shock that takes you off the floor for a second. You find yourself okay after that, but that one second will stay like a buzz in your head for a while.

I wish to realize that this is in the past and you can't really change the past and it's the future blah blah blah

I just can't stop having these attacks…

It feels like I'm punishing myself, 

no matter how hard i think of not having it…

It just doesn't go away.